Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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