I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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