I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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