my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just found puke in my bra..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
