Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
