he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
