Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
