It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
