I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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