we're chasing vodka with high fives
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
