If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
