Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
