Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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