he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
two words...techno handjob
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
