Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
