His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
