Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
