if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He felt like a one man threesome
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
