Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
