Have you finally orgasmed yet?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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