so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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