All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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