Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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