Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
