Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
