I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
