i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
