just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
