You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
