He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
