Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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