The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
