My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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