For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
