I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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