We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
