Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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