took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
