my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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