did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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