did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
