That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
