theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
