Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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