At least make sure they are 18
Why
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
