so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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