omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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