I will die if light touches me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
