I can't breathe out the right side of my face
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
