we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
