you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
