Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can you bring me the toilet please
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
