Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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