i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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